What Matters Most

"Follow me" I hear Alex say to Lucas from the other room. Their voices radiate from the other room as they play together. Ryder is upstairs finally sleeping, his stuffy nose making breathing difficult at times. I take advantage of the quiet and grab my iPad to read some blogs.

I read this beautiful post from Amy. It pulls greatly at my heart strings.

Then Ryder begins to cry. It is way too soon for him to be awake from his nap, his stuffy nose and barky cough are to blame for this.

I hurry up the stairs two-by-two. I can't resist, I pick him up. I grab his blanket and head to the rocker. I hold him up against my chest just like I used to in the NICU. His legs now dangle freely past my lap. I hold his head up against my chest near my heart and began to rock back and forth. He coughs a few more time then his breathing begins to slow. I feel the warmth flowing freely from his body to mine. Back and forth, I continue to rock. My phone gives it's familiar buzz then a beep indicating I got an email. I ignore it and continue to rock my little guy.

Visions of those days in the NICU come flooding back. Days where I lived for those times where I could get him out of his isolate and hold his body up against mine. Where I would just sit and rock and hold him and at that moment nothing else mattered. His entire body fit neatly on my chest, it was only cords and wires running to his body that dangled below my waist then.

Self Portrait of Ryder and I taken with my phone June 30th, edited in Lightroom

My phone beeps again. I try to ignore it but my mind begins to drift, wondering what it could be. I press those thoughts out of my mind and continue to rock. Two more beeps. Why am I suddenly so popular?

Lucas and Alex's voices begin to escalate downstairs. I remember Lucas' homework sitting waiting to be done. Right now, I want nothing more than to freeze this moment....I sigh, kiss Ryder's head and lay him back in bed. He continues to peacefully sleep. I head downstairs, ready to face whatever is next as now I remember what matters most.

Thank you Amy for your beautiful post which helped me remember what matters most.