Does he have any friends? I asked during the parent teacher conference.
Later I realized my question was never answered, somehow brushed aside the subject changed.
So that question still hung, plaguing my mind.
He would talk about the kids that were his friends in school but we never had any of them over. He never asked to have friends over.
He got invited to birthday parties, but so did the rest of the kids in his class.
He was oozing with kindness and compliments so most adults liked him-even several girls wrote him cute notes. But what about the boys?
Did he have any friends?
I watched him interact with the kids at the party. First fitting in, playing right along- but then he takes it a step too far- missing the social cues coming from the other kids.
I see them.
They are painfully obvious to me. My stomach tightens.
When he happens to look my way I gave him a look- 'just relax, step back' I try and say with my gaze.
He isn't doing anything to cause a scene and I am definitely not going to cause one myself.
But I ache. I ache for him and the cues he seems to miss, the shrugs of the shoulder, the eye rolls and boys turning away.
Ever golden, ever good, so ever confident it just glazes right over him. But maybe this is good- maybe he is safe. He is unaware, he is happy.
He knows who he is.
I just cry a little for him. Demons and memories from my own past shadowing my view.
Just trust. I tell myself. Trust-trust that it will all be okay. That he will forever be strong, be good, be above the glazes and glares of others as he knows who he is.
I love you my son.
Linking up today with Shell's Pour Your Heart Out (though her blog currently down)
oh. This is so hard. It is hard to watch that, both as a parent and as a teacher. Like you said, the best is to know they are secure in themselves and don't NEED the approval of others. BUT? It still hurts. He has a good mom!
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking for you! And yes, you just have to trust that it will all work for his own good. This is such a fear of mine, thanks for sharing yours, maybe it will help to have some encouragement. You are a wonderful momma!
ReplyDeleteHe'll find his place. I'm glad he feels happy, that at least makes it a little easier! And, his FRIEND named Ethan will be coming to visit next month!
ReplyDeletenot very helpful on a daily basis, I realize. I'm sorry Em. I wish you could just move here! ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is so hard. I think as a mother it is the hardest thing we have to do, know when to step back. I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said. Thanks for sharing your hear. Being a mommy is hard! I'm right there with you
ReplyDeleteOoh, so hard! I am nervous for when Linc gets bigger...he never has many opportunities to play and I worry it will effect him negatively for future social interactions. :-( Asd long as he is happy and doesn't need their approval then I think he is on a good path :-)
ReplyDeleteI am sure he will figure stuff out. I'm lucky that PJ has a lot of built in friends because so many of my friends have kids his age. I know it will be different come school. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteglad you poured your heart out. recognizing things your children dont and having it remind you of your own past/pain is a real challenge. you want so much for it to be different not just because of what you fear for them socially but because of what you KNOW from your own life. as an example, my oldest is bullied, and it kills my heart, because I was bullied too. I just had to be strong and endure. and i try to help her rise above it too.. and to be more vocal to those in authority.
ReplyDeleteill be thinking of you and your son.
Oh - that is rough. He will find friends and his place though. I am sure of it!
ReplyDeleteOh, you know, my sons are like this...and I think it's because they are good and, in that, a tiny big (or a lot) naive. I think it's good/bad. :/
ReplyDeleteI dread those moments and am proud of you for staying strong and letting him work through it-- I was apart of a soccer class with a friend and her son and her son was very aggressive and would knock Ryan over and Ryan just took it... the other mother felt bad and would correct her son but it pained me to see Ryan getting trampled over. We can't always be there in those situations but just hope they find their way and their nitch to feel like themselves! Great post girl!! :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the EXACT same way about my son and it tortures me. But what can you do … other than give gentle hints and guidance when we're together and just love him as much as I can. It breaks your heart. I think this is one of the hardest parts of parenting. But I know my own parents must have felt the exact same way about me and I got through OK. I feel your pain. Lovely and heart-rending post.
ReplyDeleteThis would be very difficult. I think it would be so hard not to intervene and try to fix things. Are you going to,talk to him about social cues?
ReplyDeleteI could have written these words myself.
ReplyDeleteMy boy is behind the other kids....so the boys don't play with him because he is...different.
The girls love him....they say he is so nice.
Maybe next year will be better.
This so reminded me of Hayden a year ago. I don't have any real advice other than just to keep instilling self confidence and loving him. The friends will come... they did for Hayden.
ReplyDeletehugs as a mom i got this and i have the same fears and hopes for my own son. you're a great mom
ReplyDeleteThe thing is he is so very sweet. And there are friends(like Ryan and Ethan) out there just like him. He will find them, or they will find him. Plus as he ages those girls will be chasing him. hahaha. He is a total sweet heart. No worries.
ReplyDeleteI have this same fear. It breaks my heart. No answers or suggestions b/c we're dealing with it here, too.
ReplyDeleteI am not looking forward to those days...b/c we all want the best for our children and we never want to see them hurt.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the worry you must be feeling especially since it has some ties to memories of your own. Things will work themselves out and he will find real friends.
ReplyDeleteack- this is a taste of what I fear to come! It seems like it mush be difficult, wonderful and bittersweet to watch him navigate in the world. May you both stay strong :)
ReplyDeleteI think this is the toughest part of being a parent. You are a great mommy, so he will be just fine!~
ReplyDelete:( You are so cool. You are open and honest. He has a wonderful example and you are doing a great job. He seems like such a sweetie. He'll be just fine. You just want the best for your kids. It's hard not to just step in a try to make it happen. But, it will happen. Maybe, just on his own time. :)
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me of my Ryan. When he was in a traditional school he would say everyone was his friend. There was a few times I would go park at the CVS right next to his school during recess and just watch him. He was having so much fun but completely by himself. I seen other kids try to play with him, communicate with him. But he would just wonder away from the crowd to be by himself. It was heartbreaking for sure.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard! Especially when he's your oldest, you aren't really sure what will be next... it's like hanging on a cliff with each step he takes forward, you cringe.
ReplyDeleteBut you are right, just trust that he is good and good will come to him.
I think it's the hardest thing we have to do as a mom. At least he is trying to interact. Just trust and it will come :)
ReplyDeleteI worry about this with both my boys. I am always asking my 10 year old who his friends are, who he plays with at school, who would he like to invite over to the house...who?!
ReplyDeletePoor little guy, and poor you for having to watch it happen. Kids can be so mean. I hope he just finds one good friend he can click with.
ReplyDeletexo
Man Emmy, it's so hard. I have tears, because I feel for you...for Lucas.
ReplyDeleteI don't worry about this with Buddy. He charms everyone, even though he's not at nice as he should be...but people are naturally attracted to him.
Buster on the other hand, so sweet. But I never really see him make connections. he's only four, so hopefully that will change...or maybe it's too early, but I worry.
I felt that heartache right along with you. It's so difficult as a parent to witness stuff like this.
ReplyDeleteBut you know what, he is who he is and it's great that he's immune to the eye rolling and how some other kids may react. It means he'll never change who HE is to suit others.
And that is what makes a person a good leader someday!
Ouch. This makes my heart hurt because I wonder if I'll watch Donut go through this too. We can take our own pain, but watching our kids hurts far worse. I'm glad right now he doesn't see it and is happy. Why are the other kids being so rude??? Grr.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel...when my son started a new school, all I could think about was him not making friends, not fitting in. I'm glad you wrote this because now I don't feel like the only one stressing this.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautifully written and expressed. He is okay, he will continue to be okay. Try seeing it through his eyes instead of yours. If he is not hurt by it, then it's okay.
ReplyDeleteBecause he knows who he is, you're son will be okay. Naturally, as mothers we worry so much over our children. But if they're anything like us, they will definitely turn out fine.
ReplyDeleteHow sweet and tender. I can relate to this. My son has friends but he does miss some social cues and he goes to a social skills group to actually learn about those things, with a lot of reinforcement from us at home to help. Your son will turn out well with a caring and concerned mother like you.
ReplyDeleteIt's ok, he's still young and he'll find his way!
ReplyDeleteHe's in first or second grade, right? Boys don't get into the social stuff as quickly as little girls. If he plays team sports or joins the Scouts, he'll have boys to hang out with. If he's having trouble by the time 3rd grade comes along, then maybe he needs some extra instruction.
ReplyDeleteI think moms arrange all the boy playdates in the early grades. The girls seem to have it all figured out already.
Maybe because they see Mom doing all the social arranging for adult activities while Dad is busy with work and other stuff.
Heck, even I have to call the stepkids to invite them over, my husband doesn't even think of doing it...he sits and waits for THEM to call.
Silly male creatures.
The thing is? There are other kids like him out there too and I promise you they will find each other and it will be fine and good. Plus he may grow out of this a bit. Hang in there, girl. xo
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, Emmy. I think we all have such parenting moments, or at least I do. Brooklyn thinks "outside the box." When I see that in her, I am proud, but also scared, because I know that it will make life more difficult for her for a time, namely in school. I've also watched her at Explora and cringed. She wants so badly to play with the others but they don't always seem to reciprocate....
ReplyDeleteTotally made me cry.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard as moms to watch our kids struggle with thing we are afraid are going to hurt them.
You are such a good mama!