"Oh look, another ***", I would often hear this from my teacher on the first day of school. My parents had lived in the same house since my oldest brother was 2-years-old- and now as the 5th of 6 kids, my family was very well known in town.
There is something to be said for living in the same place forever. You learn the ins and outs of which stores are best, you learn that it is going to rain on the Memorial Day parade every year, you get to watch the town grow both for good and bad.
But as I got older and stopped being the somewhat shy, nerdy girl- it was really hard to break free from who I had always been as that is who everyone knew me to be. At church, lots of growth in our congregation led to some boundary changes and new youth that we would meet with for activities. This allowed me be who I was becoming and not how everyone had always known me. I truly felt like I was living a double life for a couple of years- my church self and my school self.
In reality these two selves were the same but others who had always known me just didn't always see past former perceptions and feelings. I was more than happy to move halfway across the country for college- a chance to start over, to be who I was.
Now as an adult- I feel very sure of who I am, I don't need a fresh start to get to be who I am. But I get fresh starts again, and again and again. With a husband who works in the construction industry we end up moving a lot- every 2 1/2 years on average.
Sometimes, I look back to my youth and long for that stability, that place where everyone knows you, that place where teacher's will say, 'oh we have another'. Instead, I find myself registering Alex for kindergarten at a school that I am not even sure she will attend. I find myself planning weekend trips and vacations that may all get canceled if we get the word that it is time to move on.
But still I plan. Still I live- as it is the only choice I have. I have gotten pretty good at it. Just last week a friend was shocked to learn we had only lived her since June saying "but everyone knows you". I almost find myself starting to get that itch- like it is time to go again; even when I am perfectly happy where we are. Maybe it is a defense mechanism. While I know I will be fine, I worry about my kids. I know who I am and have learned to adapt and jump in really quickly-- but will my kids? Will they see it as new chances to start with their best selves out there-- or will they just always feel lost. I really hope and pray it is the first.
As this school year comes to a close and as we wait to find out what is happening next; I just continue to live, continue to pretend like someday my kids teachers will say- oh look it's another ***, and pray- pray that my kids will always see it as a new adventure, a new chance to get that fresh start.
I really admire you for being able to start over all the time. It's not easy in general, but it would be really, really hard for me.
ReplyDeleteIs there a possibility that you might be moving again so soon?
I agree with Kmama, I admire you for being able to start over all the time.
ReplyDeleteI think about moving out of this town that I have lived in basically all my life and it kind of scares me and excites me at the same time.
Yah, moving around is hard. We moved 12+ times in the 5 years we've been married so I can relate to that part. Not the kids part. But talking to friends...I think some kids who move a lot end up like that as much as people (like you) who grew up in the same place your whole life. Make sense? As long as they have a good family life at home, that is stable in that part, they will be fine. so I don't think you have any worries there :-)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger we moved a lot and I really hated it because I never had the chance to make those lifelong friends that everyone else seemed to have. I always felt like I was missing out on something.
ReplyDeleteGood luck Em! Hope all goes well!
ReplyDeleteI lived in the same town from the time I was three, and my kids have lived within the same square mile since my oldest (now 21) was four. Weird to think of moving. Don't know how you do it.
ReplyDeleteAs I'm reading your post, I have stacks of boxes full of clothes in my living room. Getting ready to move again come the last week of this month. We've moved so many times too as a family due to my husband's work. This time however, it's due to his health. He can no longer work from sever arthritis and we need to move to a place that I can afford to pay myself.
ReplyDeleteYes, I know the feeling of starting over every time we move. Some of the kids are excited to move and some treads having to make new friends. However, they eventually adjust. They always do. As for me, I look at it as an adventure. And I feel like the Lord takes us to places where we are needed and where we need to be.
I totally relate to this! I grew up in the same small town from birth to high school graduation. I was so happy to go off to college and to live in a different city now...sometimes it is nice when everyone knows you...but sometimes it is just nice to go to the store and not know a single soul!
ReplyDeleteKids are awesome. Whether they are children of construction workers or military they adapt (quickly) to the life style of moving and getting into new schools and making new friends. As members of church, we have that wonderful blessing of having built in support. No matter where they are they will have friends to uplift them. Plus they are great kids! I wish we were neighbors. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you're amazing! I have a friend who moves a lot and she's great at meeting new people and "living" just like you are.
ReplyDeletehoping you move here!!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I was just thinking about you this morning and how well you adapt to moving so often and your comment to me about moving so often that it always feels new.
ReplyDeleteYour kids are going to realize how awesome you are and it will hopefully be a trait they can follow suit in.
I loved being able to have a fresh start. I didn't really get one until after college. And I loved it- and have had a few since.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm not as good at fitting into a new place as you are!
This was such a good post, Emmy! And I can completely relate to how you feel. It's odd wanting to feel settled and stay in the same place for awhile, but simultaneously wishing for something new. I know that feeling well. I hope that whatever happens in the future, that you will always feel like your "home" is with the people that matter the most.
ReplyDeleteAnd the kids? Don't worry about them. I went to 8 schools before I finally graduated. It's not easy, but kids are resilient. And I can honestly say I had a blast at each and every school I attended. With the personalities your kids have, I'd guess they'd be able the same as I was!
If I could....I would live in this neighborhood for the rest of our lives. I love running into people I know at the grocery store and when the gal at Starbucks recognizes me.
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said for staying in one place.
You seem like a pro at moving by now!
I really love moving, so when you mentioned the itch, I knew that very well! But I'm glad that you like it where you are now.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who moves a lot. Every three years in a new country. It definitely has it's draw backs and it's bonuses. I'm grateful for stability. When we were newly married we moved quite a bit. Now we've lived in the same house for 8 years. I think a couple of my kids could use that new start.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for taking it by the horns & not letting the constant moving get the better of you or your family. I have lived in the same tiny town since I was very very little, the town my dad went to school in. I moved away (only 20 minutes away) for college and then once I got married moved back to my tiny town. Both my hubs & I went to school here from 1st grade & now some of our daughters teachers are people we went to school with. Such a weird thing, but also pretty cool too.
ReplyDeleteI have lived within the same 10 mile radius for 33 years. While I love being familiar with everything, I also long to try something new. An adventure.
ReplyDeleteThat is one of the advantages of having a big family! They either set a good example or a bad one...
ReplyDeleteSandy
I would have a hard time moving so much. I would be willing to bet though your children are learning so much from watching YOU adapt with resilience. You are teaching, modeling and instilling some amazing traits in your children that will carry them through a successful life because of your love and support.
ReplyDeleteLoved reading this. You are strong and admirable - but I know this gets tiring too.
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said for stability, and maybe someday that will come. But I truly believe kids are SO resilient, and they blossom where they're planted. No matter how many times they are uprooted and re-planted.
They do have stability. They have the stability of a righteous home, loving parents and the gospel. That's all they really need to thrive. Love you!
I think your kids will take their cues from you...you do well and appreciate the moves for what they are and they will too, hopefully.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who moved around alot as a kid I would absolutely NOT recommend raising kids in that environment. You may see it as an "adventure" or "fresh start" but this is not necessarily the same attitude your kids share. Not ONCE was I excited about moving, not a single time. I always managed to adapt but it still affected me in negative ways and I never truly felt at ease because It always felt like I was on the move. I feel like the word "home" doesn't mean as much to me as it does most people.
ReplyDeleteI was a very shy kid though, if your kids are very outgoing it might not be so bad. Personally I would never want put any kids through that hell.