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| Lucas been dealing with those red-heads for many years now |
At the beginning of the year he told me about a girl who's hair was "golden-strawberry"- his words not mine. He was excited when he went to her birthday party. Not only did she have red hair but she almost matched him in height. The school year went on and I didn't hear much more about this girl.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my parents were visiting. My mom was talking with Lucas about how next year maybe he would be in the same class as some of his friends again.
Lucas: "I hope not- XXX though. She drives me crazy!"
Me: "What, what happened?" I asked overhearing.
Lucas: "She always follows me around- she bugs me!"
Me: "She probably just likes you."
Last week I was at Lucas school for the awards assembly- after it we could go meet our kids outback and take pictures. This girl came up to Lucas. "Hi Lucas!" she happily said at which point Lucas started to walk away.
"Lucas, be nice" I hissed.
"Hi XXX" he said.
"Hi! Oh look, I didn't know you had a little brother. And look at your sister" XXX said touching Alex's hair, "we have the same color hair. Isn't that so cool that we are the same."
Oh, this girl had it bad. Then I was suddenly drawn into the past, when I was in elementary school in third grade.
One of the boys in class, I will call him D said he was going to tell who he liked. He wrote a letter on each of his fingers representing a different girl. One was the letter E. He then did eeny, meeny, miny, moe, eliminating one finger at a time. My heart skipped a beat as I saw my E was still there. And then it happened, another finger went down and only my E remained. I am sure I blushed secretly thrilled it was me- but that happiness had to remain a secret as D wasn't a boy that you should be happy if he liked you. There wasn't anything obviously wrong with him- he just wasn't "cool". So if I was happy that he liked me and heaven forbid like him back then I must not be cool either.
I looked at XXX smiling and talking to Lucas as he remained polite talking while his eyes looked for a way to escape; and I knew- it had already begun. XXX wasn't cool enough.
My heart broke a little- a little for her, a little for Lucas, and a for every little kid that had to grow up. My heart broke for the day when kids can't just play with anyone, the days where kids tease other kids and say you can't be their friend. It inevitably happens and I don't know how to stop it.
I just know how to teach my kids to try and be kind to everyone even if they are not "cool"- that doesn't mean they have to like them back-but they always have to be nice and treat them with respect and kindness. This is what I teach and just hope for the best.
Don't forget to come back tomorrow for Proud Mommy Moments- your chance to brag about your kids or talk about those things that made you "proud" totally embarrassed you but hey, it makes good blog material.
It is sad when kids begin to lose that innocence. I wish it didn't have to happen.
ReplyDeleteKids will be kids...and you are setting the best example for him! Hopefully he will follow your lead and treat them with kindnes...I'm sure he will though he's a good kid!
ReplyDeleteYes, his heart really is so good and he really is very kind overall which is why she probably does like him so much.
Deletewow..I am living in a cave..this seems way young to be making judgements like this., I hope my kids would not see distinctions between kids, I think the whole beauty of childhood is acceptance.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know- he probably isn't really making that judgement it is probably more of a reflection of my own memories. She might just really bug him a bit as she is a little overbearing.
DeleteOh, the coolness game. I played it and suffered much at the hands of it in elementary school.
ReplyDeleteI'm worried about Punky for the opposite reason I had it tough. She is a beautiful social butterfly where I was an ugly duckling. I have no idea how to react to her drama and "coolness." I emphasize compassion and caring for all. Still, it makes me nervous.
Yes, I was never really cool myself and so probably a lot of my own experience is reflecting on the situation.
DeleteThe best kind of cool is nice! That's what I want my kids to know too. I can't blame the girl though, I'd like Lucas too! :)
ReplyDeleteShe sounds so sweet!! =)
ReplyDeleteAnd the beginnings of a crush... so hard on anybody especially if they don't like you back!
This begins early, doesn't it? Kind of sad that it'll be after college before *most* people stop judging others according to how "cool" they are.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I think that's sweet is that he's attracted to little red heads. :o) He must love his sister a lot to pick girls with the same hair color to befriend!
Yea it is sad that it happens for so long. I definitely was not "cool" myself most of the years- just always outside of that popular group- but now looking back I really am grateful for that.
DeleteAnd Lucas really is so kind to everyone which is probably why she has latched on so hard to him which is probably the real problem.
Aw, I hate school :-( It breaks too many hearts and we moms who do teach the right values are few and far between :-( So our kids get hurt -- hurt even more sometimes because of the big heart we teach them to have :-( So sad :-(
ReplyDeleteWhy did I have to read this on Wyatt's lasat day of preschool... he's not ready, reccess is too rough, ugh. That's where all the 'bad stuff' happens.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks too.
Well that's freakin' sad. :(
ReplyDeleteLemme tell ya, there are FOUR!!!! redheads in my son's class. Weird, huh?
i was always the new kid in the class as we moved alot so i was never cool. My son however seems to deal well with everyone but whether he is cool or not i'm not sure some days he comes home laughing loving school the next he is almost in tears from people bullying him so i'm not sure
ReplyDeleteI really think I was the un-cool kid :(... and I know what you're referring to. It is sad!
ReplyDeleteI believe that we can change this.... we can teach our kids to always be nice and not tease. It's not going to be easy but it's what I believe.
ReplyDeleteOh young "love."
ReplyDeleteYoung love. It's never easy is it....but it is a choice to be mean or not to be mean. Jen hit it spot on, it's all about teaching our children what's right.
DeleteI've started thinking about how I'm going to handle the little heart breaks with young love with my kids. We all had to go through it. Inevitably so will our kids. I'll want everyone to love my kids. I'll want them to love everyone too. And I know I'll be reliving so much as I guide them through it. Loved this post. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI think Lucas is just a boy. A boy who just like his best bud, isn't totally into girls at this point his life. And yeah that class separation of coolness comes sooner than it did when we were kids. As for "the little red haired girl" it sounds as if she was blissfully unaware that Lucas was being a boy. He's a sweet boy and I know it. When girls really do start meaning something to him it will be very different.
ReplyDeleteI have similar memories, of boys liking me in high school, but them not being "cool enough." I'd like to say that I'm glad it was at least high school, and not elementary school, but rejection is rejection...and it always stings.
ReplyDeleteI saw your disclaimer on today's post...from what you've shared about Lucas, I bet your right. He wouldn't say or think that.
It's such a hard thing to teach kids- because they just want to fit in. It's not an excuse to be mean to other kids, but it makes it harder for them to be kind sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis is hard and it's so heartbreaking from the perspective we have now. Back then, we probably shrugged it off, which hopefully is what kids can do. I hope that they'll learn to easily let it go and not let it get to them. But yes, the main thing is to just teach kindness & acceptance--even if you don't want to "date." :)
ReplyDelete