Fear of what? Fear of rocking the boat, fear of being seen as old-fashioned, out of date or even prejudice. I believe in traditional marriage between a man and a woman and I know I am not alone.
By saying this, this does not mean I am saying people should not be treated with kindness, respect and dignity no matter what their choices in life. I truly believe we are all sons and daughters of a loving and eternal Heavenly Father. Why do people assume by me believing in traditional marriage that must mean I hate all of those who believe differently than I do? Why do people who disagree with me feel it is their right to slew these hateful comments on me because I do not believe the same as they do.
Do I not have just as much right to express what I believe? Why should I be afraid of feeling like I will offend people if I express my opinions and beliefs. Don't my feelings count? Doesn't it matter when I feel offended by what those with a new wave of thinking believe?
And this is what drives me crazy. I know there are others that feel the way I do- 30 states have passed amendments agreeing with just that- that is the majority. I am not alone and I am not going to hide anymore. Because if I hide isn't that like me standing there with a bunch of kids bullying and picking on someone and yes I might not be the one doing the kicking or the hitting- but my silence and my standing there makes me just as guilty.
I believe in the freedom of choice, the freedom to decide. My kids certainly do too. But if my kids choose not to eat their dinner- that does not entitle them to dessert, much to their dismay. So I will love them, I will teach them and guide them and try and help them but I will also respect them enough to allow them to make their choices but that does not entitle them to the same rights and privileges of those who ate their dinner.
If I choose not to obey the laws, the rules and regulations established then I do not still have the right and freedoms of everyone who does. And yes maybe some laws and rules need to be changed- and maybe some do not.
I believe in traditional marriage and it is okay for me to say so.
I'm so torn on this Emmy.
ReplyDeleteI mostly believe like you do. But I have a gay brother in law and I would never want to prevent him from being happy and having a family with another person.
And I would never judge someone for feeling that it's wrong. We all have our own opinions and are entitled to them.
:)
Thank you, thank you. Thank you for being honest with how you feel and for feeling free to share what you think in a good respectful way. You are a great example of how conversations and discussions like this should go.
DeleteWhen I stop and think about individual cases it often does start to leave me wondering and makes it hard- but ultimately at the end of the day I know what I believe and know what I know to be true.
I am RIGHT beside you!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Nice not to stand alone
DeleteI'm with Connie on this I believe everyone is entitle to their opinions whether i agree with them or not and you should never feel bad about having them or voicing them. We should all be able to be who we are and feel they way we do with out being bashed for it. that is what we are all fighting for the right to be treated with respect that's all. to just be able to love and co exist in harmony. I for one feel everyone should have the right to marry the person they love and be happy doesn't mean I would ever tell you that believing in a traditional marriage is wrong. i'm glad you posted this because everyone should be able to be who they are. XOXO
ReplyDeleteThank you! And yes- I am loving these responses as if everyone was respectful in their differing opinions like this the world would be a better place.
DeleteWhether or not I agree with you, I completely respect your opinion on the subject. I have been reading your blog for almost a year and I have never thought that you were a hateful person, in fact, quite the opposite. If people throw hate at you for your beliefs and opinions, it is a reflection on them, not you. I think it took a lot of courage to write this post. And you should never be ashamed or scared to write about how you feel/believe.
ReplyDeleteThank you- that means a lot. And yes you often can tell a lot about a person by their actions and I am so far from perfect by try and be the best person I can.
DeleteI'm with you, Em. And I applaud you for saying honestly what your views are. It's hard to say what you believe sometimes, especially knowing people will take offense no matter how you say it.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Yes- it took this post circling in my head and not leaving me alone before I knew that I had to write it.
DeleteGreat post Emmy - and a brave one! I understand completely how you feel with the whole "fear" factor, when you don't want to be seen as a bigot. It's sometimes hard to express our position on this, without coming across that way - but you did it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThank you- I have been thinking and working on this post for over a week as I knew it was an important and delicate topic.
DeleteI agree with you completely! And you are right about respect, kindness, anddifnity...everyone deserves that!
ReplyDeleteMichelle
Agree and thank you!
DeleteThis is a brave post!
ReplyDeleteI've seen lots of posts with the opposite opinion but very few that share your view. Even though I know that so many people out there do believe in traditional marriage. You're right- look at the numbers- it's the majority. And an opinion that I share.
Thank you! And yes, I have seen many posts with differing views myself lately, many of which were done with kindness and respect- but many of which were not and I didn't want to remain silent anymore and these words were rambling and not leaving my head until I finally got them out.
DeleteThis was a great post Emmy. I agree no one should bash anyone for having a different opinion from them. I believe in traditional marriage but have known couples that was in a open marriage. I would have never made them feel bad about their lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteThank you! And yes, I don't mean to cause anyone harm or grief but just want to be free to say what I know to be true.
DeleteInspired is what this is. You did good my friend. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend. :)
DeleteIt is a good thing to be able to share your opinion in a respectful way like you have done here. I have a hard time writing about this on my blog, because I'm conflicted between how I feel, and some people in my life who I love very much who are in a different place in their lives. It is tough. You have found a good balance here.
ReplyDeleteYes, it truly is a complicated subject and topic- which is why I actually wrote this post last week but left time for it to sit and me to reread it and I wanted to make sure what I truly felt was conveyed in the best way. Sometimes things like this make me wish I was a kid again where everything seemed so simple and black & white.
DeleteIt is OK for you to say it, and you should stand by your beliefs as long as you are not promoting hate (and you are not). I disagree with you completely and believe that anyone should be able to marry, gay or straight. I have close gay friends who are just as worthy of love and marriage, and I FIRMLY believe that God would want that too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for feeling free to express what you feel and for doing some in a respectful way. This is how it should be!
DeleteEveryone is entitled to their opinion, no matter what it is. As long as they go about it in a respectful manner, like you did, then all is fine :) I still have no clue how I feel about the whole thing.. I do believe in a traditional marriage, but I have a lot of gay friends and want them to be happy. Oh who knows ;)
ReplyDeleteIt is a very crazy complicated subject. I do feel there is going to be a time where we all do have to decide where we stand.
DeleteWell, you know my opinion on the subject! Having lived in California through 2 marriage propositions I have definitely learned how to voice my opinion in a calm and respectful manner. I have also learned how to take the heat when others aren't as respectful such as when I received threats as a freshman in high school and had to be escorted to my dad's car because of my opinions on Prop 22. Whenever you have a heated issue it is hard for some people, people on either side of it, to be able to calm their emotions about the issue and talk in a kind and respectful manner about it. Hopefully we can get to a place where regardless of our beliefs we can still be loving and kind to each other.
ReplyDeleteI have to be honest I was glad at the time that I did not live in CA at the time of Prop 8 as I don't know if I would have been brave enough to state what I believed then-- but now I am ready and could do it.
DeleteWell, you know I'm with ya girl!
ReplyDeleteThanks! And I know you are
DeleteI agree with you, but often don't voice my opinions about it because I'm the only one {well, my dad and I} in my family who has this view. And if I'd ever dare state it, I'd get an earful. It can be so difficult to stand up for your beliefs, and you did so kindly and respectfully.
ReplyDeleteI have a brother that likes to argue about things just to argue even if it isn't what he believes just because he likes a good debate and is very good at it. And he does have a lot of differing views than I do- so I understand this one.
DeleteI'm all about traditional marriage also. But you're right, they are entitled to their own opinion. I don't get up in their face and tell them they're flippin idiots b/c they don't believe what I feel, but they sure are easily riled up to tell me I am one. But it's the same with religion too.
ReplyDeleteYes it is- it is funny how some people will hate/call names etc espeically when they are doing it in the name of a religion.
DeleteThis was very well put, and I agree with your views. It's such a hard topic to explain to kids as well. I always tell my kids that we are not the judges of others, God is.
ReplyDeleteExactly! There are a ton of things out there that I do not agree with for my kids but I just tell them they were taught differently and believe differently than we do. So others may not think of it as wrong and it might not even be wrong for others based on what they know and believe-- but we have to decide what we believe and follow what we know to be right.
DeleteI'm also in the "torn" category - I believe in traditional marriage, yet I have gay family members who I believe should be able to be happy and get married if they want to, too. The most important part that everyone here seems to be emphasizing is that we're each entitled to our opinions, safe from harsh judgement and criticisms. If everyone got that, then the world would be a happier, more peaceful place. :)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when you know people that are directly involved in this issue-as do I. But at the end of the day I just have to trust what I believe to be true
DeleteI have the opposite opinion on this as you, but I have an immense amount of respect for the fact that you stated your opinion in a civil and intelligent manner and did not demonize someone like me who doesn't agree with you. I think that's where the divide is. So many people scream and yell and demonize other people and make this such a black or white issue when it really isn't.
ReplyDeleteYes, I never believe in demonizing or belittling anyone drives me crazy when I see others doing it.
DeleteI completely disagree with you, but thank you for being respectful in your expression of your opinion - as we all should be!
ReplyDeleteAnd Thank you! See this is how it should be. It is fine to disagree and even good at times to disagree but we can do it respect and kindness.
DeleteI think that actually the government should not be involved in marriage at all...because honestly why do we have to go to them to get a marriage certificate? It's actually a religious union--and so in that respect should be between the two people with their church. That's how it used to be until the government pretty much wanted to take over everything. Then if someone wanted to enter a contract with someone for health benefits or about their will or about ownership of a home or about who is in the hospital making decisions when they are sick--they would totally be able to. Then there would be no debate at all because everyone gets what they want. The problem is marriage is used as a distraction in an election from the real issues. The media or whoever always does it whether it's about marriage or abortion they have to use it to get people in an uproar which is sad. I love how you wrote this post and don't be scared about how people react. You expressed yourself in a perfectly adult manner. Sorry for my soapbox :) Have a great day my friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you! And yes I agree, the government often does have their hand in too many issues.
DeleteI think writing this post is so very brave of you! But that you or anyone should be fearful of stating their opinions and beliefs makes me sad. :( We are better as a nation when we all can state our opinions and assume that others will hear us, respect us. I hate one-sided conversations and am convinced they get us nowhere.
ReplyDeleteI agree and I wish this nation was as it should be- but sadly is not.
DeleteOh Emmy, you never failed to surprise me - today, it's in your boldness :) There are not many who would post something so well, full of conviction. Proud of you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I had to either post it or let it be stuck in my head driving me crazy--it just had to come out
DeleteUm. I can't even really comment because even though the comments are respectful for the most part, there are some things that I disagree with SO BOLDLY that I really just can't say anything right now.
ReplyDeleteI will email you girl :)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you! The main reason I feel hesitant in sharing my belief in traditional marriage is the backlash of anger from others. It seems the message so many people send is 'Everyone has the right to believe what they want, as long as they believe the same as I do. If you don't, you are a bigot and full of hate.' This just isn't true.
ReplyDeleteI made a promise to myself to work harder to be heard,in a respectful way, so others can feel more able to share their opinions, whether they agree with mine or not. Thank you!
Yep- and that is what drives me totally crazy! I know there are many people that don't agree with many things I believe but that has never felt like an invitation to belittle or fight those people. No one wins by screaming louder.
DeleteIt has always bothered me that some people automatically label me as a hater when I believe different then they do. It makes me sad for them, really. I love having this discussion with people who state their belief on this topic and then respectfully listen to mine leaving out personal attacks on each other. I am all for gay rights. I believe they should be able to have legal civil unions. They need rights that protect them. However, don't ask me to vote to change the definition of marriage. Never going to happen. I believe marriage is between a man, woman and God. And I will never feel like a mean person for believing that no matter how many names people call me. We need more people willing to respectfully talk about this issue, like you have done so nicely.
ReplyDeleteThank you. And yes, I don't want to be automatically labeled anything either. And I agree- everyone does deserve rights and protection- but ultimately I do believe and know that marriage is between a man and a women.
DeleteInteresting topic and honestly, I'm surprised you haven't gotten any negative comments but that shows how well you presented your opinion here. I have lots of opinions about things but mostly I apply them to myself and let others do as they may, as long as it's not against the law (considering my profession!) I do believe in the Bible and how God created marriage to be between a man and woman, but yet I get why gay couples want to be married for reasons like being able to get health insurance for their "spouse." I know a couple very committed gay couples that have been together for over twenty years and I can see why they believe they should be able to get benefits for their "partner." I don't agree with the lifestyle for myself, but it's a choice they've made and who am I to judge them. That's His job. Just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYes I definitely put a lot of thought into this and did not write it until it kind of felt like it was writing itself and would not leave me as my intent was never to offend but more to make light of my rights, beliefs and help others know they are not alone. The media and most of society would make me feel otherwise lately. And I do believe there is an absolute truth and I try and live it and follow it as I know to be right.
DeleteAmen! I so agree with you. I have read other posts that disagree with you and I can see some of what they say, but it comes down to this. God created marriage, a union between a man and a woman. If you want two people of the same sex to be "married" don't call it a marriage, because that union is not God created. It is not what he intended. I won't go any further into my opinion, but I agree. Those of us who stand firmly on what marriage stands for shall not quietly keep our beliefs to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYes as long as we do so in a respectful kind way. Arguing never helps anything- but if we state the truth with respect and compassion than it is hard to argue against that.
DeleteI am glad you wrote this. Whether or not I agree with you matters less than the fact that I respect you and know you didn't come to this lightly.
ReplyDeleteAnd guess what? I agree with you :)
I know that every person who believes Christ died for their sins to reconcile us to God - is still going to show up in Heaven and not be EXACTLY right about every single thing they ever thought. Which reinforces to me that we need to treat eachother in love in spite of our differences of opinion.
But gosh it does bug me that I'm instantly labled a hater if I believe in traditional marriage!
Yes especially when those who are calling us haters are proclaiming to be Christian and that they love everyone,
DeleteI believe in traditional marriage too. (Funny, I didn't start out that way, I had to be convinced by actually having a traditional marriage.) And because I believe in it I think it should be available to everyone.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. There is a double-standard of hypocrisy when it comes to matters like these and I get sick of it too. Very well said!
ReplyDeleteAmen! You said this so eloquently and clearly. I love that you wrote about such a controversial topic in such an unoffensive way. Many people fail to accomplish that. Amen amen amen to everything you have said!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I wrote this and the waited a week before publishing it as I wanted to make sure it was what I was really trying to convey.
DeleteFor me it the issue is one of civil rights . . . the basis of which is to protect the minority. Obviously, coming from this point of view, I disagree with this stance. I passionately believe that each and every person is equal and should therefore be given equal rights. It wasn't all that long ago that people of different races were not allowed to enter into traditional marriages . . . I see this as the same issue.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, your writing on the topic is well done and while I disagree, I do believe that you approached the matter in a respectful way.
Jenn
Jenn
Thank you for your comment. I do not see it as the same issue as the race issue as it can come down to something born as and choice- but I am not going to use this post to get into that as that was not the point of this post. I do agree that people should all be given basic civil rights- but I do not agree that marriage should be redefined to fit everyone and everything that they may want.
DeleteThis is such a tender subject. You have done an excellent job of eloquently and respectfully stating things.
ReplyDeleteI have extremely mixed feelings on this subject.
Well said! Great post.
Thank you so much! And yes it is a very delicate subject
Deletethere's nothing more beautiful than standing for what you believe. good job expressing your beliefs, while respecting others.
ReplyDelete