I instinctively sucked in my breath, wanting to say no. Why do I do this? "Yes, let's go play." I said immediately feeling peace and pride in the fact that I said yes.
Why is it so hard to want to play sometimes?
We headed up to her room. "I'm glad you can play and aren't busy doing your work like you are a lot of times."
A punch to the gut--the feelings of pride and peace I had just recently felt quickly being replaced by guilt. My "work"-- I am a stay-at-home mom. My children are my work. Is that who I really was, is that how she really saw me?
I remember when Lucas was little and my SIL commented about how much it inspired her that after dinner I didn't jump right up and do the dishes but jumped right up and really played with Lucas.
What had happened, what had changed? Where did I lose that love of playing along the way? When did I get so caught up in my self, and my "work" that I forgot the joy, the joy that comes from laying in the grass looking up at the clouds? The joy of completing a craft, of baking cookies together, of using my imagination and playing house and make believe?
Yes, there are things I truly do need to get done. Yes, it is okay to have some time for myself and take care of me. But has my ME become too large not leaving room for others?
So today- today I vow to try and find joy in playing again. I vow to set aside my work and play first whenever possible. I want to have crafts and project and homemade cookies and all of the mess that goes along with it.
My children are my work. And I am going to do everything I can to make my work as fun as possible, because let's admit it- the pay is pretty lousy.
Linking up with Shell's PYHO
Yup, I've been hit with that same punch. I love that children are so honest~they help us grow as adults. Being a mom is a tough job, but the most rewarding one. Eventually :-)
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are both guilty of not playing with our kids as much as we'd like. My son asked me the other day why daddy is always too busy working to play. It broke my heart.
ReplyDeleteJdaddy definitely plays with the kids more than I do...but when I do finally get down and play with them, I know they really enjoy that time. I can't use that as an excuse though, I need to set aside what I'm doing and play more often. I've been trying...and now that the boys are into baseball season, it's easier for me. I'd much rather toss a ball than play with cars any day.
ReplyDeleteI've been there too. Sometimes it is just hard to get as excited for playtime. I do try to make more of an effort.
ReplyDeleteOh! I am so there with you!!! Right now - Addison is playing with play dough, Andrew is watching Cars - the movie, and I am reading blogs.... **sigh**
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone.
Ooh, punch to the gut over here too. I am so right there with you. I've spent a lot of time this past week re-evaluating how I'm spending my time and I didn't like what I saw. My kids come first and I've not been showing them that here lately. It's time for a change, time for some new priorities. This is a FABULOUS post and it was one that I sorely needed to read. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so there with you. I don't always want to play with my kids- I often feel like being near them is enough. But, I need to take more time to actually play, too.
ReplyDeleteHaven't had to hear Linc say that yet, but I know I am not always the first to play with him every second he wants it...because he wants to play A LOT. I also think it's important that he learn to play alone, but I am definitively not playing enough. I find that it's easier if I set a timer...10 minutes here...then 10 minutes later...multiple times throughout the day. It's just long enough that he gets his fill for a while and just short enough that I am not too stressed and constantly thinking about what I should be doing or want to be doing :-)
ReplyDeleteBless your heart, I know how you feel! I've found that watching the child instead of the activity (not looking at the toys as much as the kid) makes me enjoy it so much more. I have a hard time too. I like my "work" . . . looking at dresses online . . . ;)
ReplyDeleteConfession.....I think playing make believe with toys is SO boring. I did it A LOT when my daughter was 1-5, but now I don't play toys anymore. My "job" is reading books (I could read books ALL day to my daughter), doing puzzles, doing crafts, playing board games and playing outside. My husband's "job" is playing with toys. He is so good at it and my daughter looks forward to that time all day. He plays littlest pet shop or doll house every single day with her. It sounds like you are doing great and you will be blessed for your efforts!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you brought this up. I think a lot of moms, myself included, can relate. We feel guilty about playing because there's so much work to be done. But when we're doing the work, we feel guilty about not taking the time to play with our kids. You can't really win.
ReplyDeleteIt would help if I had the imagination I once had. Playing has become very difficult to me. But maybe that's why I need to force myself to do - maybe it would all come back? Goodness knows I could use a little less "work" in my days!
I feel just like this. And I'm still not very good about taking that time. Nice reminder.
ReplyDeleteIt can be so hard to find the balance. As moms, we have so much on our plates already in taking care of the kids. I try to make time when I'm not doing anything else to focus on each child. We might read, play, or even just cuddle. They can still get me with the mom guilt though!
ReplyDeleteIts amazing how reflective children are...and by reflective I mean providing the mirror in which we can clearly see ourselves. I have grown so much from becoming a mom. I often think its my daughter who is teaching and pruning me rather than the other way around.
ReplyDeleteIt is easy to forget HOW to play I think. You're a fantastic mom!
ReplyDeleteI am in that same spot! I'm trying to get my blog going and my Etsy shop up and running and our TV is on more than it should be. It's just really been recently that I have gotten like this. I was just thinking about this last night so your blog post is perfect timing. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and I am glad that I am but I think that I have also, for various reasons, been too focused on myself lately. I gave more of myself, unselfishly, to my boys today and we are having such a better day. I also need to let go of my worries and just enjoy the boys. Thanks for the post and letting me know that I am not alone in this!
ReplyDeleteI've felt the same way many times and still do on occasion. It's hard for me because I work all day and in the evening I need a few minutes to decompress... kids don't understand that though. I need to make it more of a priority to play with my kids too.
ReplyDeleteI am TERRIBLE about this. What's very sad is that it's way worse with Punky. I can't stand playing princesses or playing with dolls or any of that, so I've always been terrible at playing with her. I'd do it, I'd try, but I'm sure she could sense that I didn't enjoy it. I'm determined to do better with Flintstone.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same exact way!! I am thinking of making a daily schedule and then I schedule in 'computer time' and schedule in 'playtime'. One for each kid and then a bit of time for both of them. Not sure if it will stick, but it might be worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteAnjie @ Of Pandas and Pirates
http://apaprikao.blogspot.com/
I struggle with this too sometimes … frankly because "playing" can often be very very repetitive and boring and It makes me want to tear my eyes out. But I always try to take some time and just do it because it is important. But I also realize I don't HAVE to do it all the time or for hours at a time. Moderation in everything. And you're right .. the pay stinks!
ReplyDeleteI think we ALL struggle with this sometimes. I remember when I just had one child, there was less "work" to do. Now it's impossible to try to keep up with everything. Don't be too hard on yourself, Emmy. Tomorrow is another day :)
ReplyDeletexo
I totally get this...my mind is always wandering on what I should be doing...but really I should just be enjoying my boy!
ReplyDeleteOk, were you at our home yesterday? or the day before? or maybe today? that is how I feel lately. With our first born I was always playing, doing crafts, reading to her... She is VERY dependent on me since then. So when our son was born I went to the opposite extreme! barely playing with him or reading to him! Why??? I wanted him to be independent because I wanted my time too. So after reading this I think I will join you and being I too am a stay-at-home mom I will have to get my ducks in a row and prioritize... playing again, reading again, doing crafts... ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite to the "mommy will you play with me" stage. Right now we are in the "mommy you're home so you must hold me" stage.
ReplyDeleteWow, you completely hit the nail on the head! I am guilty of this all too often. I am trying to be better about it as well, but yes those moments when we know better but we don't do better catch me too.
ReplyDeleteI know this well, it's just so hard to not want to be doing something else, like it's a little bit a waste of time... but it's not, and they treasure any time you can give them.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post Emmy. "My children are my work". I love it. I often struggle with the guilt about the time I spend at the kids school, but NOT with them in their classrooms. Meetings and interviews and commitments that keep me from spending time with them. I wonder if I might as well have a job sometimes, if they see the school as their "competition". It's such a struggle!
ReplyDeleteSuch a hard thing to balance! Especially when kids would love to spend 24/7 playing with beloved mommy! :) I find that I end up getting by on less sleep in order to get things done - but still feel guilty that I didn't "play" enough with Itty Bit during the day. I think it's a universal struggle for moms - you put it so well!
ReplyDelete