I complete the look with my tall popular wedge shoes and I now have that edge. I no longer just feel confident, I feel sexy and powerful. I now walk with a strut knowing these pants and these shoes make my back side look mighty nice.
It is amazing the power of an outfit. Not only does it boost my confidence but I literally feel a shift in my attitude- an attitude more like that of my younger more arrogant self. I feel a little more invincible- a little more like I can do anything, take on anything.
Now take this power and add it to teenage hormones and here enters a formula for disaster.
Both CA Girl and Viv of the V-Spot both recently blogged about being at ceremonies were they were shocked at what people we wearing. CA Girl noticed it wasn't just the kids who were dressed inappropriately. Viv was at her son's 8th grade awards assembly and blogged (see her post here) about many of the highly inappropriate outfits she saw many of the 8th graders wearing- mini skirts that didn't hide anything when the girls walked up on stage, super high heels, too tight clothing; you get the idea; and she had to ask and question if maybe she was just being uptight.
I remember some of my first boyfriends and how I thought I was going to marry them someday, I remember how life ending it felt when a different guy didn't like me back. And in my teenage mind it was. My changing body, my hormones, my fight to figure out who I was and show my independence made everything seem huge and forever and really hard to see past tomorrow. Today mattered and not much else.
A teenage girl stands in front of the mirror, pulls on her too short skirt and tight revealing top, she tops it off with some 3" heels. She feels powerful, she feels sexy she knows she is hot and that guy she really likes is definitely going to notice her now. She leaves the room with the attitude to match the outfit she now wears. Grown-up, sexy, a body that she wants others to notice and even enjoy.
Is this what you want for your little girl? Is that what you want your little boy to be looking at and thinking about?
Or is it time to say no. No you are my child and I will not allow you to dress like that. No- I do not want every teenage boy and gross old man thinking of you that way. We are their parents- we are their mother's and father's, aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas. We are smart enough to understand the power- the transformation that can come from what we wear. We are there to protect them- from themselves and from others.
It might feel like the world with it's trends, fashions and rampant sexual images everywhere is fighting against us.
And it is. But what happens when someone fights me? I fight back.
It is okay to say no. It is okay to be the mean mom because aren't our children worth it? And me- I am going to start now when my kids are young- there is a war raging and I want to win.
Pouring my Heart out With Shell
It is most definitely okay, and a parent's JOB, to say no. I can't tell you how many times I look at kids out and about and say to myself, "Where in the world are their parents?" It's just sad.
ReplyDeleteI see these little girls walking around my neighborhood and I looked at Allison and tell her there is no way she will ever dress like that. They are wearing the super short shorts and way to revealing tops. I think if I was your mother, you would have never walked out of the house like that.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a high school teacher and sees everyday how inapproriately kids dress. Our daughter is only 7 and we are already setting boundaries on what she can and cant wear. Good to start setting limits early!
ReplyDeleteMy daughters are grownups now, in their 30s. When they were teens, one liked that tight Spandex look (you know, the stuff with lace on the bottom?). I'd tell her that it looked like she was wearing my mother's old girdle. And if she wanted something that showed too much skin, I'd tell her there was too much Shannon and not enough fabric.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the authority to do the same with my 15-year-old granddaughter. My stepdaughter lets her wear stuff that is way too revealing, and I'm afraid for her.
Bravo! Why the heck aren't moms just saying no???? Thank you - this post needed to be written!
ReplyDeleteYes! We need to say no and make sure that our kids dress appropriately. My 6 yo daughter and I have conversations about this regularly. One of her favorite words now is "appropriate" because I use it so much. I do the same with my 10 year old son. I also think it is necessary to set a good example ourselves. As women/ moms we need to dress appropriately as well. Too often I see moms dress inappropriately and it trickles down to their daughters.
ReplyDeleteYes totally agree! It is hard to teach our kids and ask our kids to do something if we are doing the opposite.
DeleteI think that too many parents are letting the kids make the decisions so they can stay good in the social crowd. And the little ones! Those floppy ruffled miniskirts do not cover underwear while running around on the playground. I loved the leggings under skirt trend and wish it still was as hot.
ReplyDeleteWell said! It goes for boys too, they can be seen everywhere, showing their boxer or just plain under-dressed for an occasion. It is our job as parents to teach our children that they are more than just their bodies, for those will change with time and age. They are smart, funny, kind, etc., and they can be all those things without revealing too much skin. They need to learn that if someone only values them for their appearance, that relationship is too shallow to last.
ReplyDeleteI agree! Our daughters deserved to be cherished...and realize looking beautiful doesn't mean looking like her outfit comes with a pole!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle
http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/06/its-really-for-me.html
My daughter's 6th grade graduation is next week and the school has sent home a very specific "No" list when it comes to clothes and shoes. Girls absolutely cannot wear spaghetti straps or strapless dresses. They can't be too short. They can't wear heels higher than 1 1/2 inches. But... I'm willing to bet most parents threw that flyer out the window. We'll see if the school stands by their threat to send anyone home who isn't dressed appropriately. I was so thrilled when my daughter went shopping (without me) and ended up with a super cute and very age appropriate summer dress... and then she chose flat sandals to go with them. I was so proud of her choices.
ReplyDeleteI just had this conversation with a group of women at Kinder drop off this morning. I was in awe of one of the moms that was dressed amazingly well. And just the slightest bit jealous. It is a very power invoking thing. A power I rarely have the time for with four small children. But maybe I'll just chalk it up to setting a less sexy example for my daughters? At least for now! :)
ReplyDeleteLike I told Kristin, no tanks around the boys anymore because whether she realized it or not they were looking. And I told her that even her dear B thinks that way. Which is why it is so important to dress modestly especially around him so not to give him any ideas. He does not need to be thinking that way. And they will. Plain and simple. The really sad part is, the sexy clothes are being targeted to younger and younger girls. It's up to us to not only say no, but not buy those things. And don't even get me started on some of those graphic T's.
ReplyDeleteYou go girl! Win that war! So sick of the culture right now.
ReplyDeleteIt does seems that younger girls are dressing too mature for their age...and that gives the impression that they are older and ready for things well things they aren't ready for yet. I just know that if I have a daughter her skirt will be longer and she won't be showing off tons of cleavage. It won't just be me though her dad will put his foot down about that. I just think kids are losing their innocence way too early these days, and I want them to hold on to it a little bit longer.
ReplyDeleteAs long as I'm purchasing the clothes Cady will be dressing age appropriately. No one under 18 has any need to feel sexy. Period. Hopefully by the time she's old enough to be buying her own clothes she'll understand that being sexy isn't about showing off too much skin.
ReplyDeletePreach it, Sistah! For sure!
ReplyDeleteEveryone wears crazy outfits these days...even the mamas!!!! What is going on? I'm glad I have boys (so far) so I don't have to deal with that particular issue.
ReplyDeleteI am so with you, and you are so right. I am totally THAT mom. Punky is not allowed to wear a 2 peice bathing suit (except a tankini), short shorts/skirts, or stretch pants (unless her shirt is long enough to cover her butt). She hates it and she sometimes pouts, but I think that growing up too fast is a very real danger for such a pretty, confident, and social little girl.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to start young because when else will you start. I just can't let Madeline wear short or sleeveless stuff because if it's okay now when will it suddenly stop being okay? Easier to say no from the start.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I agree, I don't consider myself uptight or a prude. I strongly believe if you respect yourself, respect your body and your image people will respect you. I remember in college we had a debate in class about showing up at an interview for our first job wearing professional/career clothes vs. whatever we usually wear. First impressions are important at any age and our clothing or the way we dress and accessorize says so much about us before ever speaking a word. Yes I am young, yes I do like fashion but no I do not want to wear the latest fashion if it will be too revealing, if it will make me get noticed in the wrong way then I will not wear it.
ReplyDeletethis is by far one of my favorite blog posts of all time. really, i hope it doesn't sound cliche b/c i really mean it. very well written, and exactly what i needed to hear today. thank you!!!
ReplyDeletei absolutely LOVE this post. I speak of this every time I drop the kids of at school, go to an event at school, or even walk in the local WalMart or the Mall. It is rediculous and I wonder WHERE THE HECK ARE THE PARENTS WHEN THESE GIRLS GET DRESSED? I cannot believe my eyes! My daughter is now 26 but when she was a teenager, she had the boobs and the figure to flaunt but she never did. 1. I wouldn't allow her to and 2. she didn't want to. she had more self respect than to dress inappropriately. Why? because her momma taught her better!
ReplyDeletebut you know what else? One day, I dropped the kids off at school and guess what I saw? One of the high school teachers (female) dressed in the 3" heels, mini skirt and a plunging spaghetti strap top....tell me....is that what we want teaching our high school boys? I don't think so!
I'm going to be one of those "mean" moms you spoke of. Because, yes, my little girl is worth it. She may hate me at the moment, but if it protects her, it will be worth it.
ReplyDeleteI think the meaner you are.....the better Mom you are.
ReplyDeleteWe struggle to dress our 5 year old like a small child. Even Target is trying to force me to turn her into a street walker. This may or may not also be my excuse to my husband to keep buying her clothes at Gymboree. :)
This is why I'm glad I only have a son. It is tough … and I see girls in elementary school already wearing things I think are wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou may not have to worry about dressing a girl but you still have to worry about making sure your son keeps his head clear and his eyes down when he is bombarded by scantily dressed classmates. That can be just as difficult.
DeleteI can't believe some of the things that I see little girls wearing. Why do their parents think this is OK?? My daughter is 7. I will allow my daughter to choose what she wears BUT I will draw the line at shorts/skirts that are TOO short or tops that show too much cleavage. I want her to be confident but she also needs to respect herself enough to cover it up and let the boys use their imagination!!
ReplyDeleteUgh. I hear you! One of the best pieces of advice my mom gave me was regarding this subject....before I even had kids. She basically said to not rush my kids to grow up, and to remember that while it might be "cute" when they're little, if you allow it at six (ie wearing a bikini) you'll have a hard time justifying why it's inappropriate at twelve...I often wish I taught at a uniform school.
ReplyDeleteWe have to teach our girls that true, long-lasting confidence -- self-worth -- is found by dressing in a way that flatters your body and earns others' RESPECT. Not their lust.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Emmy.
Amen sister!! I think for my generation I'm a bit of a prude. I remember telling Match on one of our first dates that I wouldn't go swimming with him because being in a bikini was basically him seeing me naked and it was too soon. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI can guaranTEE I will be monitoring the outfits that my children wear. Kids dress far too old for their age. When did prom become about dressing slutty? Whatever happened to silly over the top fancy dresses instead? I appreciate that my mother taught me what it meant to be modest. I hope to do the same!
I know. Things have gotten way out of hand. My son just graduated high school. A friend told me her and her daughter rode to the ceremony in silence over a fight about the heels she wanted to wear. Mom won. We do have to say no. There are a lot of gross old men -- and young men out there.
ReplyDeleteI truthfully am shocked at the way parents let their kids rule the roost. It sure wasn't that way when I was younger!
ReplyDeleteIt's true; what we wear can have a big impact on ourselves and those around us. This was very well said.
ReplyDeleteBravo, girl!
ReplyDeleteIt really is shocking what some kids are allowed to wear... and actually, at a concert I was at last night, what some of the grown women were wearing, too!
Well Said and you are right we have to say No to protect them! I am amazed by what kids are wearing today and know my daughter is only five and the battle is just getting ready to start for my husband and I!
ReplyDeleteIt shocks me too when I see what some of the teens are wearing. I just want to tell them to respect themselves because really, when you wear something revealing, I just don't believe you're wearing it "for yourself." You want to be noticed. I want to be noticed when I wear nice things. But I know I can look nice & cute w/o showing so much skin.
ReplyDeleteI teach in a high school. I am known as the lady who calls out dress code violations and does something about it. Every time, the girl I send to the Dean's office for more coverage, knows exactly what she is doing wrong and is embarrassed. It breaks my heart to see young women with so little respect for their bodies. I am usually the only one that has brought to their attention the consequences of dressing provocatively. So sad.
ReplyDelete