Not Going to Let My Baby Grow Up

Birth certificate, immunization records, books and iPads for us while we wait.  I packed my bag, making sure I wasn't forgetting anything.   We made the drive to school, Lucas and Alex walked into the gate to head to their classrooms, Ryder and I joined the line that was already forming one hour before the doors opened.

One hour before we would hurry to scramble to fill out the paper work in order to get one of the coveted morning kindergarten spots.

Just the previous day, we had been at the doctor, getting the last of his shots in order to be able to attend school.  He didn't like it, telling me at the end that "I don't like this place."   I held him close and carried him all the way out the car.  His long body stretching over more than half of mine.  His weight soon seemed heavy, but I still carried him.  I promised him a donut from Krispy Kreme after his appointment, this helped slow the tears.

The doors open, we go in one at a time and they hand us a packet to fill out.  Why couldn't they give us these packets ahead of time I mutter to myself.  I quickly fill out the forms.  The order you were in line doesn't matter now, what matters is when you get your packet turned in now.   I flip through the forms, trying to keep Ryder's birthday straight from his siblings.

Done!  I join the new line, the one where they check your forms, the line where they make sure that in your hurry you filled everything out right.

Check, complete- he is officially registered for kindergarten.

And now we wait, wait for May to find out if he made morning kindergarten.  Wait for August for the new school year to begin, for my baby, my final child to take his steps into that kindergarten classroom.

My heart breaks a little. Sure I will be honest, I look forward to some me time, some free time. A year ago I would have told you I couldn't wait for this day, even laughing at those parents that seem so sad about it.  But I am going to miss him.  I think it is going to be a shock to not have someone always by my side.  I have had a child home with me for over ten years now.  Yes, he is in preschool two days a week right now, but it just isn't the same.

When real school begins, that is it.  He will be in school until he has finished college, until he moves from home.

It will be good, it is what he needs.  I have no doubt that I will quickly fill my time, spend time helping in the classroom, maybe even join the PTA.

But for today, as I start the process that is the beginning of it all, my heart breaks a little.

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